Lonely Man

John Wick is a lonely man. Having once found love and married his beautiful partner, Wick invests his entire social life in the relationship and even retires from a career he deems dangerous to his health. But when his wife dies of cancer, Wick is devastated. At the funeral attended by a handful of people we see quite clearly that Wick has zero friends and no one to whom to turn for solace. The only person offering condolences is a work associate. In his bereavement Wick is consumed by grief and anger, even as both are held in check by a flat emotional facade. Wick spends these days driving his beloved 1969 Mustang Mach 1 at dangerous speeds and performing near-suicidal maneuvers.

Actor Keanu Reeves plays Wick, the principal character in the eponymous neo-noir film franchise John Wick, a four-film series that can only be described as a blood-soaked revenge fest. Wick is a legendary Belarusian-American ex-hitman who leaves the criminal underworld after falling in love and marrying Helen, played by Bridget Moynahan. It is his marriage to Helen, whom we meet only in flashbacks and photographs, that prompts Wick to retire from the hitman profession. But after her death, Wick reacts badly when his car is stolen and his dog killed by some ruthless thugs. Vengeance returns and he suits up for a momentous return to his former profession.

The film franchise has been tremendously successful and like many action films today was created to appeal to a worldwide audience. John Wick (2014), John Wick Chapter Two (2017), John Wick Chapter Three - Parabellum (2019), and John Wick Chapter Four (2023) together have grossed over a billion dollars, that’s $1,018,726,750 in global distribution with total combined production costs of only $245,000,000. Keanu Reeves, who trained for months in a variety of fighting techniques and firearms combat, plays the role brilliantly. With his mournful hazel-green eyes and deeply quiet temperament, he fully embodies his character, especially Wick’s calm but explosive violence.

In contemporary terms Wick suffers from social isolation, arguably in this case a downside of his profession. Yet social isolation, or the lack of close friends, is a common affliction among western men today. This is the curious connection likely experienced by male viewers. We suspect that men (and likely some women) vicariously empathize with Wick’s internalized anger and with his extraordinarily vicious but targeted violence. Wick is not a madman, but a man whose actions are precise, highly skilled and intentionally reckless.

The resulting story features a revolving series of vengeance scenarios, all related to Wick’s involvement with and then ex-communication from something called The Table, a global cabal of the supremely powerful. The action scenes sustain a highly choreographed balance between multiple-character hand-to-hand combat and continuous close-action killings by firearm and bare hands. There is plenty of blood spurting from heads as bullets are fired at point-blank range, and an impressive display of fighting styles including Japanese jiu-jitsu, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, tactical 3-gun, and standing Judo, all overseen by fight coordinators Jonathan Eusebio and Jeremy Marinas. Keanu Reeves is reported to have performed 90% of his own stunts.

Wick’s total body count over the four films is 439, or almost one death per minute for the four films’ combined running time of 523 minutes. Indeed there is little more to the plot beyond the fight sequences. Watching all four films leaves one numb and vaguely callous to the death and destruction depicted. The experience is similar to the Roman gladiator games where viewers cheered on vicious bloodsport, and then left the games feeling vicariously energized to confront their dull lives. We should not be surprised to learn that a licensed video game was released in 2020, John Wick Hex, and another is reportedly in production.

Lest you feel certain that children should not watch this kind of thing, while the films are rated R, the first three are currently available on Netflix where anyone may watch. Similarly, the video game John Wick Hex is rated Mature 17+, but you can be sure it is a favorite of teen players, especially boys.

We hear a lot these days about men suffering from social isolation and what has been called the male loneliness epidemic. U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy in 2023 equated the health risk of social isolation to smoking tobacco daily. Several studies point to a sharp decline in the number of friends among male respondents. That is, an inability to develop the kind of deep friendship that helps them through the ups and downs of life. Many women are lonely as well, but not nearly to the same degree as men. Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It (2022), calls this a “friendship deficiency.”

Specifically, thirty years ago a majority of men (55 percent) reported having at least six close friends. Today, only one in four (27 percent) men have six or more close friends. And fifteen percent of men have no close friendships at all, a fivefold increase since 1990. Why do these numbers matter? Aside from physical health consequences, loneliness is also a significant factor in developing depression, and is directly linked to suicidal ideation and deaths of despair (suicide, drug overdoses).

What’s more, there is a self-perception problem many have observed. Ironically, men today may view deep relationships among male peers as not very masculine, thus further isolating themselves. Only 48% of men reported feeling satisfied with friendships, according to a May 2021 survey by the Survey Center on American Life. A June 2023 study points out that people who are socially isolated have a 32% higher chance of dying early compared with those who don’t experience social isolation.

Psychologist Famous Erwin explains in Talkspace (30 Nov. 2023) that “societal pressure and expectations cause men to feel like they have no choice but to be strong and independent. The tough guy image resulting from masculine norms discourages some men from expressing their emotional needs or desires. This can quickly lead to emotional isolation — even for those men with people in their lives who care deeply about them.”

Mr. Erwin continues: “Loneliness can be a significant prompt for depression. When individuals feel isolated and disconnected from others, they may experience feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair. Over time, these emotions can intensify into clinical depression if not addressed.”

Men’s Health (10 Oct 2023) further clarifies that while “loneliness isn’t gendered, men in particular tend to struggle to express deep feelings and form meaningful connections. Many of us [men] find it easier to talk about football or politics than to admit to suffering from a low sex drive or feeling undervalued at work. We don't know [to whom] to tell these things, or how to say them.”

Positive masculinity programs today directly address the social isolation problem by working through a series of friendship exercises, in effect, teaching men how to meet and develop friendships among their peers. Would a man like John Wick benefit from such a program? Perhaps, but only if he leaves his guns at home.