Slipping Past the Man Box

A friend pointed out recently that, although xe agrees that escaping the man box is not likely, except maybe for Superman, some men appear to slip by relatively unscathed. After running through our catalogs of male friends, we each confirmed this observation. Consider this an addendum to the "Stuck in the Man Box" entry a few days ago. 

First, why is escaping impossible? This goes to the essence of the man box concept. Certainly, there are a set of rules for behaving and living "like a man," but the true wonder of the man box is its enforcement powers. Mark Greene in his remarkable 2018 book "The Little #MeToo Book for Men," points out that even in it's earliest version: 

"[The man box] refers to the enforcement of a narrowly defined set of traditional rules for being a man. These rules are enforced through shaming and bullying, as well as promises of rewards, the purpose of which is to force conformity to our domination-based culture of masculinity."

Second, while no one born male escapes enforcement (because the enforcement begins so early for boys), some have slipped by with relative ease while others survive the bullying and trauma and emerge to discover their true gender identities. The first category includes boys whose personalities automatically make them outsiders. These are the nerds, bookworms, science geeks and (at least in my boyhood) trekkies, most of whom mature into gentle, soft-spoken, empathetic men.

The second category includes males who, at some point between boyhood and the teenage years, come to realize that xyr true gender identities are completely outside the man box. These men who are gay, trans, queer or nonbinary have slipped by in a different way. Many as boys were recognized and bullied relentlessly by other boys only to survive with xyr spirits intact and xyr gender(s) conforming to models distinctly beyond the man box. We do not mean to imply that these individuals escaped the enforcement tactics of the man box, since many remain traumatized.

Yet there is irony in the suggestion that in some cases, those same enforcement tactics helped push these boys toward realizing and perhaps better understanding xyr true gender identities.